#17 New Beginnings And A Clean Oven
I moved a few weeks ago. Really moved. I’d been staying with family for a while, and I’ve been trying really hard to start over. I’ve made a lot of mistakes and done a lot of really stupid things, that hurt a lot of the people closest to me.
So I’ve been trying to put that behind me and make a new beginning. Last week I stumbled and made a really similar mistake to those that I used to make. Without getting into specifics, it led to me realizing how easy it is to slip into bad habits that you thought you were past.
So on Sunday, I woke up feeling better, I went to Mass and came home. My roommate was at her parent’s for the weekend and I decided to make brunch. The problem was the tiny kitchen was absolutely disgusting. It was covered in a layer of sticky grease and grime that made me feel sick at the thought of cooking there.
So I went to the grocery store, bought disinfectant spray, bleach wipes, and oven cleaner. I spent four hours cleaning that kitchen, and it was spotless when it was done. I cried then, in a way I hadn’t for a long time. I cried from relief and joy and let so much go. It felt amazing.
I am trying to start over. And I’m going to keep trying, but forgetting my mistakes and ignoring my issues is not the way to do it. That just leaves me making the same mistakes over and over. But it helps sometimes, to have a clean oven when you’re doing that.