#34 Difficult Decisions that Should Be Easy, But Aren’t
So I woke up this morning at my usual time and realized that I wasn’t going to mass at 8AM on a week day for the first time in 4 weeks. After mass had become so ingrained in my daily routine, waking up without mass was sort of like waking up without Jesus. It’s kind of like He has already died and now I have to wait for Him to come back. I know I shouldn’t be in mourning already, but it sure felt like something was missing…I began to understand how His disciples felt when they woke up and realized He wouldn’t be teaching in the temples today and just had to remember Him as best we can.
So after all of that, I had to make my decision whether to attend mass tonight or go to my class. All week I had been procrastinating my paper that was due tonight and just kept saying “if I finish the paper by 6, I’ll go to school. If not, I’ll submit it electronically and go to mass.” If you’re a procrastinator, you understand. So I was trying to put off my decision, trying to make it something that I didn’t have to think about even though it was ever-present on my mind. I mean it was all I could think about! Mass or class? Mass or class? It was like I couldn’t focus on anything else. Well, I looked into other Holy Thursday masses, but the earliest was 7 and even if I went to the 7PM mass at school, I would still miss half of class. At this point I realized it was ridiculous to pretend I had a decision to make, I had obviously decided I wanted to go to mass. As much as it bothers me that I’ve missed class (only the second time ever in my grad school career), it bothers me less since my professor doesn’t really seem to care.
The problem with going to a non-religiously affiliated school is that you don’t have off for all Catholic holidays, and I consider Holy Week a time that we should have off. I suppose this reveals to me that I need to eventually work somewhere that I will have off for Holy Week, or at least have the opportunity to take off.
Anyway, I submitted my paper at 5:40 and let my teacher know my decision, etc. I do still feel torn in a way, but when I think about it, the entirety of Lent I have been trying to put God first in my life, and I think maybe this just needed to be done.
God Bless & (happy?) Holy Thursday!
PS I miss having off for Holy Week, if you haven’t already figured that out…