I went to 8:30AM mass today since I have somewhere to be at 11. I had been planning on going but I got so little sleep last night, it’s a wonder I was able to wake up this morning at all. When I did drag myself out of bed though, I was so grateful because of how beautiful it was. The weather was warm but still cool enough because the sun wasn’t out and it felt so much like spring I wanted to just sit outside and enjoy it. Church was awesome today as well. The Gospel was about Jesus appearing to His disciples and Thomas needing to see to believe. I felt particularly drawn to this Gospel because I was really trying to identify with the disciples. I want to know, what would I have done if I had been Thomas? Would I have taken the other disciples’ word for it? Or would I have thought they were just pulling some horribly mean prank on me? Jesus says quite clearly
“Blessed are those who have not seen and have believed.” *
I usually think “oh, I am so Blessed because I wasn’t there to see Him and I believe, yadda yadda yadda” but am I really that confident to think that if I were in Thomas’ shoes, I would have just taken my friend’s word for it that someone rose from the dead and is now walking among us? I doubt it. Not when it had never happened before. Even for a man of whom I am a follower and believe to be the Son of God, I mean, He just died and disappointed us all by not being saved. I am beginning to have doubts and then you tell me He’s living? And not only that, but He rose from the dead? It’s a lot to take in for a mere human, which I am. It only seems strange to me in the sense that he didn’t believe even though that would have proved that they weren’t wrong about Jesus being the Messiah. I think in some cases it would be easier for me to believe that He had risen because all I want is to hold on to the hope that we weren’t wrong. Because, no matter how faithful I am, when someone I put all my faith in (seemingly) abandons me, I get upset, but I hope that there is some good reason behind it. Jesus raising from the dead and freeing the souls from hell would be a good reason for Him to have had to have died. I think I might have accepted that. But still, we did not fully understand what it meant to rebuild the temple in three days, we were not yet ready to understand. And of course I wanted to see Jesus in person! I mean, every time someone tells you about something amazing, don’t you want to see it too? Aren’t you jealous that you didn’t get to see it? I know I would be. I mean, if one of my friends told me they saw Jesus after He died, I’d be like “you’re totally lying to me!” and think to myself “why would He appear to her and not me?” So I can see where Thomas is coming from when he doesn’t immediately believe. And humbling is it to be told, “hey, here I am, and you really should have believe your friends.”? Poor Thomas, all because he wasn’t at the right place at the right time the first time. Moral of the story: Believe in God and live out His teachings.
“Now, Jesus did many other signs in the presence of His disciples that are not written in this book. But these are written that you may come to believe that Jesus is the Christ, Son of God, and that through this belief you may have life in His name.” *
* John 20:19-31