I just moved to a new city in the NYC area and began work preparing my new charter school for our students, who arrive the last week of August. I’ll be busier than ever, but I hope to start posting more often, since I’ll have so much to reflect on and process. Meanwhile, here is an entry from an old prayer journal that turned up while I was unpacking my things. It’s a little dark, but honest.
September 2, 2009
Lord Jesus, Healer,
I just realized what lepers are. Physically, they are in need of healing, just as the crippled and the blind are. But the physical or spiritual leper is rather harder to love than the blind. Leprosy is repulsive. It’s “eating you alive.” It is the horror-movie shock of seeing decay on a still-living person.
I am a leper. I’m not dead, but I’m starting to smell like it. My soul, my self-in-You is crumbling away, falling away at first in bits, but now it’s hard to tell if anything’s still safe. It must have been hard, as the Word who was present in the act of creating man, to see the leper’s body falling apart. How much harder is it, as the Creator of souls, to see the inner person decay?
We are all monsters. Horrible, disfigured, but we are salvageable by Your Grace. Accept me, Lord, and heal me. Make me whole again and wholly yours. What You have done for us, no-one else would ever do (except in Your Love). You save not only those who never knew You before now, but also those who have loved You and betrayed You anyway. You love and help even the most leprous, zombified souls who are living dead. You are holy, selfless, and immeasurably good. Have mercy on us.
By the grace of Your Holy Cross, save us and have mercy.
Yours in Christ,