Monthly Archives: October 2012
I’ve spent the past week being very, very angry. Angry in a way that I’ve only been a few times before in my life. I’m feeling deeply hurt and betrayed and I don’t know where else to go with it but here, so I want to apologize to all of you for this rant.
Apparently, I’m not supposed to be receiving communion any more, and I’m meant to be excommunicated.
I didn’t receive this week, because I was so angry I couldn’t even bring myself to go to Mass.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, here’s what it is, a document written by The Holy Father was released this past week, which basically stated that supporting marriage equality was a grave sin and that such support meant a member of the congregation shouldn’t be receiving communion.
This makes me sick.
I do support marriage equality. I support it deeply and wholeheartedly. I think there’s something fundamentally wrong with the fact that so large a part of the population in this country are denied basic civil rights. I don’t believe that gay couples should be able to receive the sacrament of matrimony (and to be frank, don’t know any gay couples that are interested in receiving it) but under the eyes of the law, they should be equal.
It’s wrong that it’s denied to people. It’s wrong that when my director and choreographer from my high school musicals, two women who have been together for nearly fifteen years, adopted their children they had to create iron clad legal agreements, in case, God forbid something happened to one of them (the one who is legally the mother of their little girl and boy) no one could try to take them away from the other. It’s wrong that my uncles, who celebrated their twenty second anniversary this past year, and who own two homes and a business together, have to pay double the taxes that a hetero sexual couple in their situation have to pay.
This is wrong. I don’t care. I’m done being quiet about it. I’m done biting my tongue around my devout Catholic friends and my hyper conservative friends. It’s a betrayal to my friends and family who are homosexual. It’s a betrayal to my uncles, who took me in to their home this past year, purely out of love, to my friend who is transgender and has been one of the deepest supporters of my writing over the past six months, and to countless other people in my life and not in my life.
I’m also done wrestling with my conscience on this issue. I am a Catholic, and I love The Church. I will continue to go to Mass, and I will continue to receive. I will not judge, I cannot judge. Love is love and that’s the end of it for me.
So it seems that Cherie is the only one of us who posted on our 1st Birthday and I’m pretty disappointed in myself since I had been reminding myself all week to post. Tonight I became inspired though, so better two days late than never.
Tonight was the first night of my young adult ministry’s book study. While we only read the introduction to the book so far, I was already amazed at how inspiring the introduction was. We are reading Blessed Are the Bored in Spirit By Mark Hart. As we listened to the audio book and he spoke of his struggle, the struggle in society, and what we do about it, it inspired me to think about my own personal struggles. After the introduction ended, I could feel a profound silence and feel the reflection going on within and around me. We then delved into discussion (a little too early in my opinion, but it was fine) and I realized that we all have such similar struggles that take on different shapes and forms. Lately I’ve been hearing all sorts of testimonies and amazing stories that have inspired me and made me want to change my sinful habits, but when it came down to it, I still couldn’t change my choice. Not couldn’t…I guess it’s wouldn’t. I could talk the talk–and I spoke it well–but I was having trouble walking the walk. I would declare my changes and speak out to my friends, but when it came time to speak up where it mattered, I have been having a really tough time. I’m trying to take little steps, but I’m realizing the only way to change is to change all the way. It will have to be one extra large super sized step and I am terrified. Mark Hart spoke about people wanting to be liked and not respected. I fit in there perfectly. All this time I’ve been wanting people to like me, smoothing things over where I feel I need to, that I forget that by being myself and standing up for what I believe, I may make enemies, but why would I want to be friends with anyone who doesn’t accept me as I am? It’s going to be difficult, but I want to be brave. Pray for me so that I may be a braver Catholic and act more confident and less like a coward. It seems the closer I am to someone, the harder it is to potentially let them down. But I don’t want to be let down so I’m going to change my life. And if I don’t, you’ll all just have to keep praying for me.
Love you and God Bless!
Oh, and Happy Birthday C.C. 🙂
I saw Looper this weekend, starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Bruce Willis as the protagonist at different points in his timeline. I expected an action flick with a possible undercurrent of sci-fi (time travel is central to the premise)n and there was enough action to satisfy anyone’s appetite for destruction. What I did not expect was the significance of the film. I walked out of the theater with an appreciation for all I have in life and some food for thought regarding human nature. I’ve been processing it since Saturday night and decided it’s definitely something I’d like to discuss on this blog, but since the movie just came out, I don’t want to spoil it for anyone. So go see it now, while I mull over the contents of my post. I promise, it’s worth your while.